Wednesday, June 22, 2005

A Moment of Peace

I am amazed right now because I feel completely together. I feel like I have a hold on all the puzzle peices, and nothing is slipping, and the clock is marching right on time. Everything is coming together perfectly.

I have been moved to full time, 7 am - 3pm shift at yellow cab. I have Sundays and Mondays off. I have applied, been called up for an interview, and am in 98% probability of being hired for an aditional 25 - 30 hours per week at Blockbuster down the road. If I work this right, I could have enough hours to make $700 a week. I got overtime at yellow cab for last week. I have around two months left to earn the money to pay off rent, credit card, bills and buy a ticket.

Today I got my social security card and my birth certificate in the mail. I will go apply for my passport tomorrow. I am slightly scared but I think I might have to pull out the extra 60 dollars for the rush on it. Also I found a discrepancy with my birth certificate- first its hamster chewed, second, my dads birth place is wrong. Hopefully they dont want me to get the birth cirtificate fixed first.

I called Scott today and emailed him a copy of the letter I tried to send him on Sunday. This time he got it, but I pretty much said everything that was in the letter anyway. He started getting excited about it, which I was glad to hear. We talked about the themes behind it, and he was impressed. I am glad, but nervous that my painting might not live up to his expectations from the thoughts I put behind it. But I will be mostly quiet for now and wait for what he says.

I am slightly worried because I am definately looking low on time to finish his painting- especially if I work more hours at Blockbuster. I need to figure out how to build those frames. I requested a hundred dollars for materials, but it wont be enough. Thats okay for now though. I am worried about making enough money to get the tickets for Japan in time- but I think if mom and dad put it on their credit card, I could pay them back shortly. I made $700 these past two weeks at yellow cab (counting up till Sunday), and even though that will go down because I wont get overtime next pay period, I will still have an aditional 40 - 60 hours at Blockbuster- another $240 to $360 dollars. That would be nice- to pull in a thousand dollars in two weeks. It would be enough to pay rent and bills, and the credit card, and half of the ticket. So in one month, I should have enough to pay for the rest of the ticket.

But despite all these worries, I feel good. I am doing the absolute best I can at this point. I am not set up to be able to work any harder. The problem will become the rent for August, depending on when financial aid kicks in. If I get it before we leave, then I am set. If not, I might be a whopping $900 short. Well, I just redid the calculations- maybe not. I might only be $500 short, which can be covered with the credit card. But either way, the rest will depend on an entity we can call God, and his favorite incarnation, Luck. It has been rumored that my grandmother will be giving me a thousand dollars towards my trip. I will not rely on this, but I can't keep my eyes from turning in their direction with hungry hope. I am sad and pathetic that way. I should not accept such a gift, but I will. This is my dream, as I have expressed countless times here. I will probably be back on with more calculations after my pay check has been issued. It will be the biggest one of my life, and yet, I will have nothing left over. I am beginning to understand how Dad feels.

On the up side, even if I am short, even with grandma's gift, I think I can count on my parents to help out. They are watching over me and I think are very impressed with the amount of work I have taken on for myself. I am glad that I can show this side of me to them.

For now, things are working out as I have set them up. I gave myself a difficult course, but I can do this if I keep the end goal in mind. I will be better for this summer, and this experience- both the trip to Japan, and this summer's struggle of setting and reaching a very high goal.

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